Today was just one of those days where everything I did reminded me of you and every song I heard somehow related to you. I hate days like today, because they remind me of the one thing I don’t have. It’s really painful to say goodbye to someone that you don’t want to let go but its even more painful to ask someone to stay if they never wanted to stay.
How you promised me won’t ever leave me alone, I can remember it vividly.
I’m holding on to something that used to be there hoping it will come back, knowing it won’t. I knew a million words would never bring you back, neither would a million tears.
I’m going to smile, because I want to make you happy, I’m going to laugh, so you won’t see me cry. I’m going to let you go in peace, and even if it kills me inside, I’m going to smile.
I want to say sorry for everything I have done in the past, I did you wrong a lot, you have done your very best for me, but all you received just scolds and blames from me, over and over, you gave up many things just for me, just for me, but then again … What you have done never been enough for me, its all because my heart still covered up by something, an anger and hatred toward someone else which I still hold on to, and I addressed it to you.
It wasn’t your fault, I’m the one who still have issue to finished, I’ve been acting as wasn’t my self, I realised I’m not ready for any kind of relationship, I need sometime to be alone and heal myself, looking for peace within myself, otherwise it will always be end up the same no matter how much a man ℓove me and treat me well.
I’m going to spend much time with myself, be heal, be overcome, be a better version of me, be a good friends, be a good sister, be a good aunt, be a good staffs, and most of all is be a better creature of God, …. just be the best of me.
So.. For you, Be good, Be healthy and Be all right …